Mini-Minds: The Battle Between Megan Fox & Michael Bay

Megan Fox is hot. Michael Bay makes movies that bring in the GNP of a robust third-world country virtually every time out. However, both (especially Bay) need to come to grips with their respective places in the Hollywood food chain…

As an example, let’s look at their recent war of words after the release of their mega-hit “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” (swiftly becoming one of the worst-reviewed movies of all time, by the way). To quickly paraphrase both parties, Fox pointed out this past week that the Transformers movies are more about FX and robots than acting; Bay then became indignant, played the ‘immature’ card on Megan, and rattled off a list of actors he’s helped ‘launch’…

I’d stake my collection of Van Halen CDs that Megan Fox is not a member of Mensa. That being said, I’ve got to side with the tattooed hottie in this verbal skirmish…and not just because she’s a tattooed hottie. Michael Bay is a hack. Always has been, always will be. I have to believe that Megan Fox knows deep down inside that she has her face & body to thank for her career accomplishments thus far. On the other hand, Bay wants us to believe he’s the second coming of Martin Scorsese. Why? Because he’s essentially claiming to be responsible for the big-screen successes of performers such as Nicolas Cage, Shia LaBeouf, Ben Affleck, Will Smith, and Martin Lawrence…

WHAT?!?! Note to Mr. Bay: Just because you pay an actor a crapload of money to be in your movie doesn’t mean you become his muse, his mentor, and his agent all wrapped together into one convenient pompous package. Let’s look at your ouvre as a director, shall we? (For the sake of sparing you even more embarrassment, we’ll skip your producer credits…remakes of “Friday The 13th”, “A Nightmare On Elm Street”, “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, “The Hitcher”, and “The Amityville Horror”…since to name those wondrous projects would taint the jury in Megan’s favor much, much too quickly!)

You, Mr. Bay, have been at the helm of such modern-day ‘classics’ as “Bad Boys” (NOT the great Sean Penn film), “Bad Boys II”, “Armageddon”, “Pearl Harbor”, “The Rock”, and “The Island”…ugh. I’ll admit to enjoying “The Rock” but not much else in your repertoire, Mikey. And I think Nic Cage & Ben Affleck would have been okay without your influence on their careers…you see, both have Oscars from movies you had nothing to do with!!! And I have a feeling your ‘lifetime achievement’ award from the Academy is still in the early, early planning stages. Special effects & mindless action guru – yes. Master storyteller – hell no.

So, Megan wins. Nothing wrong with that. Heck, it gives Agent 5150 a chance to post a smokin’ picture of her for you to enjoy, faithful reader.

Transform that, Mr. Bay…

(For the full scoop, check out http://www.usmagazine.com/news/director-megan-fox-says-some-very-ridiculous-things-200927)